tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74658110608300466682024-02-28T11:30:22.920+03:00Life and Times of AntonyAnother guy's online journaluntonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.comBlogger390125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-12899876089991578952022-06-13T13:56:00.000+03:002022-06-13T13:56:09.958+03:00Codependent - Narcissist<p> I, a Pleaser from childhood, from birth,</p><p>obligated to placate grown up wrath;</p><p>peacemaker, quiet, diffident, withdrawn,</p><p>Cooped up in the corner of Brains over Brawn;</p><p><br /></p><p>How could I resist the toxic Controller,</p><p>Strong, decisive, driven, confident?</p><p>Slender of waist, beauty sublime,</p><p>cutting words, and infinite anger?</p><p>Clothed in the garb of piety,</p><p>Secure in her self righteousness?</p><p><br /></p><p>I was a sitting duck</p><p>fish in a barrel</p><p>a hypnotized deer in the headlights</p><p><br /></p><p>Slaving to appease her vicious caprice</p><p>with grovelling compliance</p><p>I lost myself pursuing her approval</p><p>And still she left</p><p>Abandoning me</p><p>to my fear of abandonment</p>untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-23886571626121008622021-02-13T01:41:00.001+03:002021-02-13T01:41:29.215+03:00Global Deception<p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span data-offset-key="6ebe24_initial-0-0"><span data-text="true">What if all the censorship is not just a sudden deep concern about hate speech on the part these social media companies and mainstream media?</span></span></span></p><div data-reddit-rtjson="{"entityMap":{},"blocks":[{"key":"edbui","text":"What if all the censorship is not just a sudden deep concern about hate speech on the part these social media companies and mainstream media?","type":"unstyled","depth":0,"inlineStyleRanges":[],"entityRanges":[],"data":{}},{"key":"2fqs6","text":"Once it became clear the news was fast losing viewership the next frontier - the free internet and social media - couldn't be left to sit unmolested.","type":"unstyled","depth":0,"inlineStyleRanges":[],"entityRanges":[],"data":{}},{"key":"451no","text":"What if they actually take their role as \"the front page of the internet\" seriously and therefore all the censorship is really an effort to push certain narratives globally, and to silence the actual truth?","type":"unstyled","depth":0,"inlineStyleRanges":[],"entityRanges":[],"data":{}},{"key":"fv1a5","text":"Certainly would explain why any deviation from their narrative is instantly met with a cacophonous chorus of anger and shaming.","type":"unstyled","depth":0,"inlineStyleRanges":[],"entityRanges":[],"data":{}},{"key":"7nep4","text":"Or why any competition that allows free speech suddenly loses all the means to operate.","type":"unstyled","depth":0,"inlineStyleRanges":[],"entityRanges":[],"data":{}},{"key":"eapvr","text":"Something nasty is in the works, and we ain't seen nothing yet.","type":"unstyled","depth":0,"inlineStyleRanges":[],"entityRanges":[],"data":{}}]}"><div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="6ebe24" data-offset-key="8j6en-0-0"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="8j6en-0-0"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span data-offset-key="8j6en-0-0"><span data-text="true">Once it became clear the news was fast losing viewership, the next frontier - the free internet and social media - couldn't be left to sit unmolested.</span></span></span></div><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="8j6en-0-0"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span data-offset-key="8j6en-0-0"><span data-text="true"> </span></span></span></div></div><div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="6ebe24" data-offset-key="c8i39-0-0"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="c8i39-0-0"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span data-offset-key="c8i39-0-0"><span data-text="true">What if they actually take their role as "the front page of the internet" seriously and therefore all the censorship is really an effort to push certain narratives globally, and to silence the actual truth?</span></span></span></div><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="c8i39-0-0"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span data-offset-key="c8i39-0-0"><span data-text="true"> </span></span></span></div></div><div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="6ebe24" data-offset-key="2pkup-0-0"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="2pkup-0-0"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span data-offset-key="2pkup-0-0"><span data-text="true">Certainly would explain why any deviation from their narrative is instantly met with a cacophonous chorus of anger and shaming.</span></span></span></div><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="2pkup-0-0"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span data-offset-key="2pkup-0-0"><span data-text="true"> </span></span></span></div></div><div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="6ebe24" data-offset-key="3r9ds-0-0"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="3r9ds-0-0"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span data-offset-key="3r9ds-0-0"><span data-text="true">Or why any competition that allows free speech suddenly loses all the means to operate.</span></span></span></div><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="3r9ds-0-0"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span data-offset-key="3r9ds-0-0"><span data-text="true"> </span></span></span></div></div><div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="6ebe24" data-offset-key="2emiq-0-0"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="2emiq-0-0"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span data-offset-key="2emiq-0-0"><span data-text="true">Something nasty is in the works, and we ain't seen nothing yet.</span></span></span></div></div></div>untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-86012715210851079912021-01-18T20:07:00.000+03:002021-01-18T20:07:04.127+03:00Animation challenge DAY 1<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCdCjRwHfEdnoNSlyO4UtTuU0Rg9TuNjUi8Ms4j20WnfNymeMHZSAQMUW2Sg7J39_2yGpNrW74FA7LrvIox1oZE2T1N42McFJMvBP2lfoSwrAmdmiCviMV2qsx4Vi3bWVJ_cVHYiC4Gwk/s800/colorz.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCdCjRwHfEdnoNSlyO4UtTuU0Rg9TuNjUi8Ms4j20WnfNymeMHZSAQMUW2Sg7J39_2yGpNrW74FA7LrvIox1oZE2T1N42McFJMvBP2lfoSwrAmdmiCviMV2qsx4Vi3bWVJ_cVHYiC4Gwk/s320/colorz.gif" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p>untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-22264635746017209142020-12-13T12:43:00.004+03:002020-12-13T12:43:36.509+03:00Let Us Break Their Bonds Asunder<p>Under the pretext of Coronavirus, governments have committed themselves to a global reversal of GOD-given human rights. Human rights, properly conceptualized, are the common heritage of all humanity resulting from the eternal gospel of Christ, and secured over the centuries through the blood of many martyrs. <br /></p><p>Whether through malice or neglect, this reversal of human rights by governments has been ruinous for the common man. Small businesses have come to ruin while monopolies further enrich their billionaire owners. This represents a massive transfer of wealth, a widening of the gulf of economic inequality as bankruptcy and unemployment further disinherit a middle class already long beleaguered by inflation and debt. All the signs point to an overreaction, and all the trends indicate that they fully intend to completely overreact.<br /></p><p>Multinational corporations are openly showing their hand in the high stakes arena of politics and governance through their censorship of voices that do not support their narrative.<br /></p><p>"Fake news" adequately describes the state of bought-and-paid for mainstream media.</p><p>The internet is crawling with "fact-checkers" at every corner. </p><p>Social media is one vast Propaganda Open Day.</p><p>And that election was a travesty.</p><p>Already the threat of a New Normal is declared a done deal: "Things will never be the same again."</p><p>Goodbye human rights, goodbye rule of law, goodbye privacy, goodbye freedom of conscience, of religion, of association; we are fighting the virus, and climate change, and religious fundamentalism, and terrorism; new gremlins newly sprung up in this 21st Century which you ancient rights and freedoms know nothing about.</p><p>Let government therefore be all powerful, let big business join the party (strictly for your own good you see), let all religious leaders pronounce their blessings on the effort, let all media sing from that same script harmoniously, and let the masses shut up and fall in line, for vaccination plus full spectrum electronic surveillance plus whatsoever else the New Order will deem suitable to a New Normal.</p><p>Who dare call it conspiracy? Covid 19 is real!</p><p></p><blockquote><p>PSALMS 2:2-3<br />The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together, against the LORD, and against his anointed, saying, </p><p>Let us break their bands asunder, and cast away their cords from us</p></blockquote><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-61294502830941207962020-07-22T22:50:00.002+03:002020-07-22T22:50:55.905+03:00The information superhighway<br />
<br />
A library of self aggrandizing autobiographies <br />
A gallery of portraits of the abandoned<br />
An asylum for miserable recluses<br />
A whirl of coordinated confusionA map to stay existentially lost <br />
The world's moral sewer.<br />
Smile for the selfies!untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-74805845678533268902020-04-06T20:54:00.000+03:002020-04-12T23:27:55.027+03:00The Siege of the Worshippers of Mammon Under the terms of lockdown dictated by the virus all remain quietly indoors, craving no more than a return of all the world to that blessed state of normalcy that erstwhile prevailed. We pine for a return to normalcy, that neurotic state of universal
victimhood in which every man was for himself, the weakest be
damned, but at least people walked the streets and mixed freely.<br />
<br />
The media has attained unprecedented heights of relevance with the level of attention focused on them. "How many cases? How many dead? Sanitize! Isolate! Should there be a lockdown?"<br />
<br />
<br />
Restrictions on movement and speech multiply. Trade suffers, commerce languishes, transport grinds to a halt. Traffic jams? What traffic jams? The economic juggernaut is brought to it's knees. The money is dried up in an effort to dehydrate the pandemic. Tension mounts, no word of a cure.<br />
<br />
Every day freedom recedes into the realm of idealism, a hazy horizontal mirage, a throwback to the glorious days of normalcy, in which the dollar answered all things, and reigned supreme. But now its supplicants are perplexed.<br />
<br />
Boxed in and nostalgic, in fear for their lives and livelihoods, the people eventually give up their rights and liberties. With the dearth of liquidity, with the money addict's supply choked to a trickle, one by one he relinquishes his hard-won heritage to secure the drug. "It is an emergency,"' he tells himself, "When this is all over I'll get it all back." All sacrifices to a god that answers not.<br />
<br />
The dealer having cultivated the addiction has withdrawn the supply. After a long enough period, withdrawal symptoms lay waste his customer's resolve. Composure is entirely lost, and dignity abdicates in hunger's favor. The customer, totally drained of resources and driven mad by desperation, offers himself, mind soul and body, in exchange for sweet release from the torment of hunger and privation.<br />
<br />
Suddenly with clarion blasts the brazen gates of bounty are thrown open to the starving. Behold your hero, your dealer. Behold your god, Mammon. They are received joyfully, with open arms.untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-90948693268423922062020-01-13T23:24:00.000+03:002020-01-13T23:25:46.593+03:00Saint Augustine on KingdomsA pirate was seized and brought before Alexander the Great. He asked the emperor what the difference really was between piracy and government, besides the scale of action. <br />
<br />
<br />
"Justice being taken away, then, what are kingdoms but great robberies?
For what are robberies themselves, but little kingdoms? The band itself
is made up of men; it is ruled by the authority of a prince, it is knit
together by the pact of the confederacy; the booty is divided by the law
agreed on. If, by the admittance of abandoned men, this evil increases
to such a degree that it holds places, fixes abodes, takes possession of
cities, and subdues peoples, it assumes the more plainly the name of a
kingdom, because the reality is now manifestly conferred on it, not by
the removal of covetousness, but by the addition of impunity." Indeed,
that was an apt and true reply which was given to Alexander the Great by
a pirate who had been seized. For when that king had asked the man what
he meant by keeping hostile possession of the sea, he answered with
bold pride, “What thou meanest by seizing the whole earth; but because I
do it with a petty ship, I am called a robber, whilst thou who dost it
with a great fleet art styled emperor."<br />
<br />
Originally quoted from St. Augustine's book <i>City of God</i><br />
copied onto here from https://oll.libertyfund.org/quotes/200 untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-37823383922788137252020-01-02T23:58:00.001+03:002020-01-03T00:04:45.552+03:00Blue Shoes at the End of the TunnelIt is a miracle how I got through university.<br />
<br />
I was a broke kid in the midst of rich kids. Constantly felt lost and out of place. Couldn't hang out with the cool crowd. Looked, felt and acted out of place in the few instances I dared to show up at a rave, and didn't know enough to actually avoid caring as much as I pretended not to. It got to me.<br />
<br />
Naturally my introversion was amplified in this social wilderness. I mostly hung out alone, sinking deeper into my personal black abyss every day especially after I finally gave up on finding acceptance. No cool clothes, no hot girl, and forget about a car; I worried instead about how Mother could even afford my fees and meals.<br />
<br />
Fortunately there was football and swimming. I clung to these sports with more wrath than enthusiasm in a desperate attempt to sublimate the fury of frustrated youth. And the library was big and well stocked with variety. It helped to distract me from all the fun I couldn't afford.<br />
<br />
One time an unsought-after crisis befell me. In my eagerness to make friends I lent my only pair of football boots to a teammate who showed up for a match late, hung over and ill equipped. He ran the boots down to shreds in the space of ninety minutes and handed them back to me in the most casual manner, "thanks dude," and dashed off to some other party with his buddies, leaving in my hands a stinking muddy mess of rags and studs. I put a brave face to it, quietly hoping he would make good for the damage, and retired to my humble hostel room to while the ever-present hunger away.<br />
<br />
But the days went by and I had no shoes with which to play football. they only had swimming twice a week in those days, and that was grossly insufficient to exorcise my frustrations. So the blackness grew within, with anger and hatred to boot. Depression set in.<br />
<br />
But as if in answer to a prayer I needed to make but didn't know I should, Mother traveled to town uninvited and took me shopping to Gikomba. She bought me a second hand pair of blue Adidas F50 boots for 1200 shillings.<br />
<br />
12 dollars! Best gift I ever received! Literally saved my life.<br />
<br />
Love you Mum.untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-34344481286156812072019-09-16T10:39:00.001+03:002019-09-16T10:39:36.790+03:00Scammed<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Looking deep in her eyes</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">which shone mysteriously at you</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">in the dim twilight gloom,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">you mistook greed for lust.</span></div>
<div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Her full lips glimmered</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">with lipstick and licking,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">her stare abated not,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">langourous though her eyelids.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Hypnotized by shallow dimples,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">bedazzled by
bared legs,</span></div>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">unsettled in your pants,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You fell foredoomed.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Her bosom protuberant</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">awakened your thirst; </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">for a taste of milk</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">you bought the cow.</span></div>
untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-41912592509464332922019-05-27T23:41:00.000+03:002019-05-27T23:41:08.216+03:00Sunk Cost Fallacy<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Did she not flippantly toy with you?<br />Bankrupt of gravity befitting the day<br />with a gathered throng in full view<br />Did you not struggle with dismay?<br /><br />No precedent was set, you made-believe,<br />just her quirky humors misfiring again.<br />Best at this point no offense to percieve<br />good practice anyway to cover her sin. <br /><br />She meant no ill, your gracious thought,<br />casting aside with her oversight<br />the pang of regret, the jolting doubt,<br />foreshadowing hurts she will inflict.<br /><br />Nobly you played the hand you got<br />and dignified the choice you made.<br />Lastly you embraced your happy lot<br />and made of that lemon lemonade.</span>untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-59980460544435048112019-05-02T12:51:00.000+03:002019-05-02T12:51:17.966+03:00Ecstatic FlightYour waves of pleasure crashed against mine<br />
and we soared.<br />
<br />
You spread your legs and flew.untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-8592808410971859792019-03-01T15:24:00.001+03:002019-03-01T15:24:52.745+03:00Young Love<p dir="ltr">Who longs for days long past<br>
when strange hearts felt their way<br>
in pitch darkness for each other?<br>
And awkward silence tantalized<br>
and jokes veered into explanations<br>
before humor was identified,<br>
and highstrung anxiety prevailed<br>
for sheer zeal to impress,<br>
and onlooking sceptics who<br>
at the time sounded right,<br>
and touch rescued the dumbstruck<br>
sparing language the expenditure.<br>
How did we even survive?</p>
untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-6448265306756842332019-02-16T09:49:00.001+03:002019-02-16T09:49:42.043+03:00Dry Statement of Intent<p dir="ltr">I do solemnly but unapologetically<br>
desire perpetual and unrestricted<br>
exclusive guardianship<br>
of the key to your fertility<br>
with appertaining privileges and status<br>
and reciprocal obligations.</p>
untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-21504540181756580812018-11-24T00:43:00.001+03:002018-11-24T00:43:58.156+03:00Our Mutual Deception<p dir="ltr">The distance between us is a crutch<br>
a convenient excuse<br>
something we can blame<br>
for our vacuous inner life<br>
for our ominous silences<br>
for our unrewarding reunions<br>
necessarily brief</p>
<p dir="ltr">Ever we remain apart<br>
aware in our secret depths<br>
that true oneness is impossible<br>
even without the outwardly resented<br>
constantly decried<br>
(though jealously cherished)<br>
long distance between us<br>
Our only link</p>
untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-79944617122540690112018-11-22T17:08:00.001+03:002018-11-22T17:08:55.522+03:00Distance<p dir="ltr">Supersonic my thoughts fly to you<br>
Paying no heed to the vast expanse<br>
That presumes to part us</p>
<p dir="ltr">Defiant our hearts seal the breach<br>
inflicted by solitude's affront<br>
Beseiged by brutal loneliness</p>
<p dir="ltr">Inelastic however my arms remain<br>
Which fain would match the feats<br>
mastered by flights of fancy</p>
<p dir="ltr">Oh for arms as long as the law!</p>
untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-78180225258758240952018-09-26T09:41:00.001+03:002018-12-29T21:00:47.292+03:00All the Pimps<p dir="ltr">A pimp merchandizes the bodies of whores. Beatings and insults maintain the necessary inferiority complex that keeps her beholden to him. Lies and mindgames keep her in awe of him, and even more fearful of leaving him, because how will she survive these streets without him? Never mind that she actually feeds them both, the fact that he takes all her money and gives her a fraction of it leaves her thinking she needs him. The occasional drug fix instils dependency through a soul-destroying addiction which only the pimp can supply. At the end of her beauty and usefulness, when she is worn down by daily rough usage at the hands of the tricks whose money she takes and hands over to the pimp, and when the drugs have reduced her brains to porridge, she is discarded by the pimp if she is lucky enough not to have already died on the job or at his hands.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Capitalism pimps out the minds of people. We work to sustain an economic system which exists to exploit us. The best part of our labor and mental capacity is funnelled into narrow and repetitive  routines which maximize investor profits. For all this sacrifice of our time, our productive lives, hemmed in by austere corporate policies the whole while, we earn salaries in exchange with which we may Go Out And Consume, sustaining the system, hoping against hope to eventually earn that deserved promotion that will perch us high in the stratosphere above the worries of the non-selfactualized masses who will stare wistfully up at us as they hang on our every word, giving us a heady rush of power. But most of us won't get quite that high up the pyramid. So we die on the job, or our productivity declines and we retire; meanwhile the machine on the intake end sucks in another fresh-faced starry-eyed aspirant of the verdant heights.</p>
<p dir="ltr">The pope pimps out souls. Making claim to the souls of men he boasts a monopoly of the keys to heaven and hell, thus all should be found in his good books or else eternal fiery tortures greedily await. Many unhappy with their lot in this life comply with his edicts and enrich his coffers for a stake in eternal felicitude insured by the old white man. Inevitably the pope's customers die, earning their chance to verify his claims to mastery over the spirit world, and to test just how far his dearly purchased Get Out Of Jail Free Card will go in those realms. Just too bad if no route be found by which to return to the land of the living and claim a refund from the self-appointed pimp of the underworld.</p>
untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-72422740036193079342018-09-11T18:44:00.001+03:002018-09-11T18:44:02.699+03:00Spectre<p dir="ltr">It was hard to accept that Daddy was dead.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Mum was devastated.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Oh man, we prayed fervently, little brother and I, for GOD to bring him back to life. We were serious.</p>
<p dir="ltr">And then we waited expectantly for him to walk in through the door as usual, with his exuberant booming bass reverberating throughout the house as the carried us aloft in his strong arms and hands that tickled. But no such miracle occurred.</p>
<p dir="ltr">And then one day his car came trundling towards the house. We ran out to meet it, little brother and I, our hearts in our mouths, palms skyward in jubilation, thinking GOD had answered our desperate prayers.</p>
<p dir="ltr">But from within the car emerged one of his former colleagues, newly assigned his company car. </p>
<p dir="ltr">We instantly hated that stranger for not being Daddy, though he came to offer condolences for his loss.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Even little sister, at the time a blissfully ignorant, inarticulate toddler, eventually caught on to the extended absence of a strong, familiar presence. She then cried for days.</p>
<p dir="ltr">The years passed and reality sank inescapably,  the hard reality of his continued absence, the oppressive expectation that we would never see him again. The best we could hope for was to eventually come to terms with that Daddy-shaped gap that would never be filled.</p>
<p dir="ltr">To this day his ghost in my dreams is cause for rejoicing. I eagerly pursue it with urgent questions demanding answers, half glad to be reunited at last, though it evades me studiously. Usually people run from ghosts, but this is one ghost I have never forgiven for having the guts to die on me.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Of course I should know better. It was not his fault.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Goodbye Daddy.</p>
untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-56470762392313183122018-08-09T21:37:00.001+03:002018-08-09T21:37:49.035+03:00 friends<p dir="ltr">Many people, everywhere,<br>
on the prowl for hugs and handshakes.<br>
Small-talk conveyor belts<br>
compelled to supply you.<br>
Some vague restriction<br>
prevents a mutual reckoning<br>
honest and terminal.<br>
A weighty obligation<br>
to sustain cordiality<br>
animates synthetic smiles all around.<br>
Everywhere.<br>
Everywhere.</p>
untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-61608079248102452782018-07-26T23:59:00.001+03:002018-08-02T12:00:53.251+03:00Essentially Beautiful<p dir="ltr">You add to good looks a clean heart.<br>
It shines through, you can't help it.<br>
You are beautiful inside.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Your mind is a verdant pasture<br>
Fruitful and calm<br>
Your spirit refreshes like water<br>
Pleasant company<br>
You are positive and radiant<br>
Uplifting conversation<br>
The things you say <br>
speech in due season<br>
The way you say things<br>
An absolute delight</p>
untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-36959255546226281052018-07-26T23:17:00.001+03:002018-07-26T23:21:45.890+03:00Cross the Abyss<p dir="ltr">In the course of life you suddenly meet<br>
A yawning chasm, <br>
from which no light escapes,<br>
But all things swirl in a turbulent vortex -<br>
a downward spiral to perdition.</p>
<p dir="ltr">None dare whisper a word of warning.<br>
The deafening scream of quiet despair,<br>
a hateful choking stench,<br>
in saying it all, struggles to muffle <br>
the frenetic psychosis accompanying<br>
such irreversible plunges.<br>
Chirpy jingles wanly sound,<br>
morale-boosting work songs proliferate,<br>
sudden outbursts distract the wary,<br>
striped in panic and uncertainty.<br>
Foul decay whitewashed with lies<br>
smiles that do not reach the eyes.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Anyway in the belly of the beast <br>
lamentations are ignored -<br>
Why think about it too hard?<br>
Strive to pass without incident.<br>
Let the headlines trumpet the winners.<br>
Hold steady now, keep your head.</p>
<p dir="ltr">The multitude's grasping ambition rallies<br>
Human nature supplies momentum.<br>
We dive headlong into its black heart,<br>
Anxious to make it or die en route.</p>
<p dir="ltr">A cold indifferent roar greets us<br>
an icy blast of contempt and hate<br>
belched from our downward destination<br>
concealed by indiscernible darkness.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Yet we unfazed in pursuit of Happiness <br>
will know her when we find her,<br>
for whom with zeal we lend our arms to the oar<br>
and our backs to the whip...</p>
<p dir="ltr">Stop.<br>
Look above, think beyond,<br>
Make your ardous journey<br>
to that land of answers <br>
across, not inside, the abyss.</p>
untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-24055065571355698132018-07-09T11:14:00.001+03:002018-07-09T11:14:23.604+03:00Football Madness<p dir="ltr">The World Cup is with us again. I am underwhelmed as usual. This was supposed to be fun, in the particularly narrow sense of having lots of football to watch. That part isn't so bad. The rest of it... where to start?</p>
<p dir="ltr">The thing which gives me the most grief is the poor ratio of hype to significance in the venture. The hype was and still is disproportionate. After the hangover has lifted, the smoke has cleared and the streets are swept, all that will have happened is a series of football games. Good for a fling, and just as brief. But the flock of marketers jumping on the World Cup gravy train rather detracts from the football.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Probably if my country was in it I could have pride to justify zeal, but most of the egos out here are headbutting for teams they have no inkling of connection to. Just because someone decided to support a fancied foreign team, they find enough grounds therein to sink their emotional lot in its fortunes at a remote tournament. He will even argue with friends and fight strangers for this team. Likely even bet a princely stake, a ruinous amount.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Inevitably someone's favorite team gets eliminated - we were never all gonna get to the final, see. (I always get triggered when the host country gets eliminated a good while before the final. Awkward for the survivors' visiting fans huh.) It's like gambling: everybody cries so that one person can smile very broadly. It's probably a good thing we didn't qualify and spend all that time and money only to go and get humiliated on a global stage. And then assemble at the airport to aim rotten eggs at the team bus. Or, more typically, throw a major tantrum on radio and TV talk shows.</p>
<p dir="ltr">By all means buy and wear the foreign country's jersey, who cares really what you brand yourself with, or where you come from, or what sense it makes. Sport is supposed to be fun anyway. It gets more thrilling when there are stakes involved, something to be won or lost. I play football, I should know. </p>
<p dir="ltr">There comes a time however when a line is crossed and the stakes are just too high for this life and the only real winner is the corporate sponsor orchestrating the scam to peddle merchandise. And, of course, that one winning country.</p>
untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-35979990985214296992018-06-17T20:39:00.001+03:002018-06-17T20:39:01.826+03:00Curmudgeon<p dir="ltr">I admit that the tone of this blog has been negative. My sincerest apologies.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I have been burning negative emotions online. It is a bit like burning tyres in a crowded street.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Some will see the smoke from afar. Some will walk unawares into an acrid cloud of black smoke.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I thought garbage is better off burnt outside than kept inside.</p>
untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-22174269371580092142018-05-24T14:10:00.001+03:002018-05-24T14:11:15.480+03:00Dream Girl<p dir="ltr">My eyes made out your form<br>
the adorning garments<br>
the face that crowned it all<br>
the projected artifice<br>
But I never once saw you</p>
<p dir="ltr">My mind processing the sight<br>
filled the shell with fantasy<br>
loaded meaning on your words<br>
Assigned you my co-star<br>
In a rom-com chick-flick<br>
painted you in its own image</p>
<p dir="ltr">But I never really saw you</p>
untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-2294089494828621522018-05-11T09:52:00.001+03:002018-05-11T09:52:02.689+03:00Bliss<p dir="ltr">Remember that one time you thought you were soon leaving for greener pastures?</p>
<p dir="ltr">Remember how happy you were, how carefree? </p>
<p dir="ltr">You were floating way above cloud nine. Nothing got to you, no one could say anything to you.</p>
<p dir="ltr">It wasn't so much where you were going that broadened your smile. GOD knows you were apprehensive, even unexcited about that new prospect.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Just the idea that you were on the brink of leaving gave you a new lease of life. You looked forward to your last day, you fantasized on their surprise when you would tell them. You practised the short statement with which you would deliver the letter of resignation that you had already spent ages wondering exactly how to phrase.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Unhappily, the slightly less disagreeable prospect that was the wellspring of such vibrant hope vanished into limbo, crushing your soul, and you hung your head and moped about in low spirits for days on end like a whelp suddenly orphaned. What got you down was the recognition that the trap you were in was worthy of escape, just as the mirage of an open door dissolved into hot air.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Did you forget how good the mere prospect of leaving for a slightly better trap made you feel?</p>
untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7465811060830046668.post-53552047607204379142018-04-30T10:52:00.001+03:002018-04-30T10:52:06.809+03:00Write It Down<p dir="ltr">One mourns for a lost idea<br>
As for a neglected lover.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Better to suffer writer's block,<br>
and remain a lifelong blockhead,<br>
than, having had a brainwave,<br>
to subsequently forget<br>
before paper preserves it.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Harsh self-reproach prevails<br>
For once having tasked Imagination<br>
Only for memory in an idle moment<br>
Distracted by a passing fancy<br>
To loose its grasp <br>
on hard-wrought genius<br>
pursued afresh in vain.</p>
<p dir="ltr">One mourns for an idea<br>
Entombed in the sands of time<br>
Buried forever in amnesia.</p>
<p dir="ltr">All hail pen and paper!<br>
Jailhouse of flighty ideas.</p>
untonytohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00263925840587070386noreply@blogger.com0