Monday, July 1, 2013

Arrested Development Theories on Relationships

This blog is full of personal views; it oscillates wildly between redacted narratives of my life, philosophical musings, spiritual discussions, Biblical passages and critiques of just about anything. In keeping with that erratic trend, today I delve into introspection.

DISCLAIMER: The world is still ending. Stay focused.

According to certain psychiatric models, I may be suffering from arrested development at a critical stage of my social progress. Allegedly, we all reach an age when the dilemma is "interaction versus isolation;" just when the last noxious fumes of adolescence are clearing off, yet overlapping with whiffs of the coffee scent of adulthood. "Isolation versus interaction" must be a bigger dilemma among introverts like myself. It seems like that is just the stage where I am stuck at like a college senior who is afraid to graduate because college is more lively than corporate conformism. But the same psychiatrists say failure to overcome "Interaction vs. Isolation" an increasingly common epidemic in this era of social media and I can see why.

These academic deliberations would have meant nothing to me if I hadn't already identified trends in my own life that support their claims - I think psychiatry is a meddlesome scam, but this once they seem to be on to something here. Correlate "Interaction versus Isolation" with the dating game and one quickly comes up with a theory for the plunging marriage rate (citation needed) and the skyrocketing divorce rate (confirmed). Stay with me.

I've been in a few relationships; each time I imagined myself the star of the show. But here comes the arrested development part: the minute we come to the edge of the precipice, when things become real, and it's time to take a dive, then the Isolation vs. Interaction dilemma fills my mind - and then I see problems and run away. I chose isolation. So say the shrinks.

Or... Perhaps there's another way of looking at it, which a friend of mine's love experience exemplified. 

Courtship is designed in such a way that the man is supposed to hunt the lady - ideally. You can tell me about this being the 21st century but its still men and ladies in it. Now my buddy Baddy liked a certain beauty and pursued her diligently. Men are strong because they are supposed to survive hardships such as rejections and embarrassments. Courtship is such that often one party - the man - does aggressive self-marketing towards another party that is inclined towards raising roadblocks in the way of love, however enthusiastic about the whole prospect of an eventual relationship she may be. She protects herself by stringently testing him in a fiery crucible. Maybe nowadays not so much but a few good girls are classics like that.

Just bear in mind that at this stage the lady has got the power. Like Eveready. But eventually, as in my friend's case, love won the day and she fell for him. Problem is, "I got the Power" was still echoing in the head of the lass. So she strutted into his life with the airs of a colonialist; "You wanted me here and here I am, let's see what you're all about then." Begins to scrutinize his mannerisms and impose curfews. And those intrusive calls asking where he is and what he's doing and who he's doing it with. 

Unaccustomed to being subject to anyone, Baddy the eternal bachelor's nerves frayed suddenly, and he opted for Isolation, ditching the lady in an unspectacular series of deliberate acts of neglect. And I understood why. Us men, some of us like to be free and unattached; unaccountable to no one but GOD and ourselves. But now I could see the problem from a fresh perspective, since it did not involve me directly: these teething problems are hardwired into the format of courtship. Thus I advised him to go back and market himself all over again, and this time to be patient with the new tyrant in his life, because he's the one who filled her head with those undemocratic ideas in the first place.

"Once you bring a woman into your life, she will attempt to dictate it. Don't fret. While she is still giving orders, quietly close the door, ensuring she remains in your life, and then you can have your power struggle."

I could use my own advice.

1 comment:

  1. Haha! Ati you could use your own advice? I betcha!!


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