Unsolicited Marital Advice

We lived briefly in Nairobi's Umoja Estate, my mother, brother and I. Those days I was very small, Standard One or Two. (My Form One pictures depict an incredibly tiny boy, so you don't want to imagine how small I was eight years earlier.)

Our morning routine started with a metallic alarm clock screaming hellishly loudly at the crack of dawn. From here on Mum was the star of the show, her mighty ordeal was to  prepare two drowsy boys for school, get some breakfast in them and dash them to the roadside in time to catch the school bus, after which she went to work herself.

The walk to the school bus was typical: mum walked ahead, fast, and called often over her shoulders as we distractedly followed, playing little chasing games or just talking like parrots. There was no shortage of things to talk and laugh about. We believed in our great intelligence. Our brotherly camaraderie could get so gripping that nothing short of pulling by the ears would get us to the roadside in time for the bus. But if mum got angry enough, or had apparently woken up on the wrong side of the bed, we would transform into monuments of discipline and promptly autopilot our way there.

A constant feature in those days was a couple who walked past us about the same time every day. As they rushed to work, we rushed in the opposite direction to school, mum usually some distance ahead. For some reason they were always arguing. The lady would be three paces ahead of the man, arms crossed as she forward-marched, and the man would be following her, chasing after her, pleading love. All he got in reply were short quips that, to my Standard One ears, sounded rude and disrespectful. Other days the man got so fed up he would just say nothing and not even look at his wife, who used the opportunity to sneer in contempt and hoist her noise as high in the atmosphere as her height would allow. Once the man was driven to an angry take-no-hostages tirade with a prominent threat of departure.

Now me, every day we crossed paths with this couple, I would catch fragments of their exchange. Typically the man would be arguing from facts, his statements were hard-edged, grounded in the real world. The lady, whenever she deigned to reply, was haughty, dismissive and vague. All these things sat uncomfortably in my head because their discord was in sharp contrast with the rapport between my brother and I - and they were supposed to be the married ones.

One day one of us told the other "I don't like that woman!" and the other agreed vehemently, "She's bad." Over the next week or so we discussed the couple with our juvenile "intelligence" and eavesdropped on their daily drama routines to refine our postmortem findings.

Thus it was bound to happen, that we ended up interfering with their conversation one fine morning, when I walked up to the wife, and cut her off mid speech: "He's right."

She stopped walking, froze, glared at me. Meanwhile her husband suddenly burst into laughter. "Yes!" he exclaimed. She opened her mouth, no words came out. Boy did she scowl, I could see the fire in her eyes.  "WHAT!" she dared me. "You're not a good person," I declared, pointing straight between her eyes. Her mouth fell mutely open again. "He's right!" I repeated. The husband, whose spirits had heightened considerably, patted my back: "You're very clever!" His wife found words at last, but no coherence yet: "Shut up! None of your business!" Artificially encouraged by the man's hand on my shoulder, I pontificated some more, now about how her husband loved her but she was too stubborn/proud. Mr. Man roared with laughter! "Yes! Yes! You're very bright!" Mrs was livid now! The chain of words her mouth released felt like a torrent of assorted violence.

At this point it occurred to my mother to look over her shoulder, and what should she see but that her sons had stopped following her and managed to get into what looked like fracas with a married couple. She swooped like an eagle and snatched us away by our ears. But Mr. Man called out to mum and told her happily, "Don't beat them! They're very bright boys!" Mom would hear none of it. As we were frogmarched away I heard the wife's complaints rising into a crescendo of outrage that combined with my sore ear to leave me wondering "What have I done?" But the man's only response was satisfied laughter that soothed my soul.

Bro and I Were  swept to the roadside with hot ears. There was not enough time to explain to mum the full story: if only she would stop telling us how it was bad manners to argue with strangers, we would explain everything to her perfectly, or so we thought. But here came the school bus.

***

That evening the woman we reprimanded early in the morning was so enraged she tracked down our home to report us to mum and to see to it that we got a good beating. But her husband tailed her to commend mum for bringing up bright sons, while alternately charming his wife's wild temper with smooth words. The two argued in our doorway for a while, mum waiting, but catching neither head nor tail of the imbroglio. At last the couple walked away arm in arm, both rather amused by the whole turn of events, wife soundly defeated. Exasperated that she would have to deal with our version of events, Mum swung on us: "What is happening?"

We told her confidently: we had been overhearing their arguments every morning for many months and had finally decided to tell the lady that her husband was right and she should always listen to him. She wasn't satisfied.

I wonder where that couple is today.

News Blues

Is it just me, or is the news depressing?

Watching news makes me philosophical of late. Yes, like that bachelor who is advised to get a wife because he will either become happy (with a good wife) or a philosopher (with a bad wife) - that type of philosophical.

I think depression is a moment of intense clarity on the true human condition.

The news may be true, but it certainly ain't uplifting. The tone of a typical news broadcast is urgent. "There is an army of crises whose battering rams are pounding at the gates of Life-As-Usual." My mental big picture looks like this: a vice is tightening on the inhabitants of the earth, and all they have to alleviate the pressure is shopping and the occasional lottery and other assorted distractions. Party politics deafens the voice of sanity. 

Good news comes once in a while, rare displays of mankind's love for fellow man, even ignoring the lot of it that happens to be corporate bodies flaunting Social Responsibility. 

Crime and escapism stated in pompous officialese fills your typical news broadcast. It can weigh down on one. To maintain sanity, one decides "the system is broken, the problem can not be resolved. Let us just continue." Picture how the financial news dude makes perfect sense, an eternal jabberer of vaguely optimistic-sounding speculations. So we wait for different results. However, head-burying in the sand, lamentations beneath one's breath, carrying on as usual, is exactly how downward spirals end up in crash and burn.

Let us not miss the forest for the trees. The devil's worldwide schemes advance, his global structures rise higher each passing day. His trick is to co-opt deluded men into the program, to turn people against each other and against GOD, until at last when Satan presents the mark of the beast, mankind will enthusiastically hail him as savior. 

But to expect a different savior than Jesus Christ would be disingenuous: who else can save mankind from himself in these last days? For the cesspits from which people crave to be dragged are whirlpools of their own stirring.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 

This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, 
Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.

Unlocking Teens' Minds

 The holidays are here. Therefore, Vacation Bible School is on.

This week I (with others) have been facilitating life skill lessons for teens at Nairobi Central SDA Church. VBS has a program for the whole spectrum from the toddlers right up to the teens, but my efforts are focused exclusively on the teen demographic. The Theme is "unlock your mind." I am working alongside a talented dedicated group of visionaries led by JT.

The experience is new to me. Having previously never attempted to instruct teens before, I was apprehensive beforehand. For the most part my doubts about adolescent intransigence turned out to be paranoid pessimism. However it was quite a herculean odyssey getting through to them. It is harder to extract blood from a stone than a response from a group of teens who are still sizing your head up. Eventually, after a volley of leading questions was responded to with loud silence, we established a sort of mutual understanding with them - teens can not be commanded like troops nor coddled like toddlers - and the lessons could proceed. Somewhat.

Now as the week enters homestretch I wish these things we are teaching ("discussing with") the teens had been discussed with us while we were teens. Certainly in my puberty some adult figures around us attempted to clarify certain vital truths but I for one was not big on lectures. However these teens have the superior advantage of learning the same things in the company of fellow teens and in an environment where they can ask questions freely and supply their own answers. Having their peers around makes teen activities more meaningful, more fun, for them. We facilitators mostly just guide the discussion from one topic to the next and supply the Biblical framework, or reinforce theory with our own good or bad experiences.

This week's program is practically at an end - two days remaining - but next week another VBS begins on Monday 21st April to Friday. Same content. Any teens you see potentially frittering away their April holiday on idling, TV, drugs, sex and other unfruitful dissipation, drag those teens kicking and screaming to VBS. The teachings will serve them for life.