Talk about late adopters. The dictionary entry should
include my mugshot as an illustration. After getting bored of the twenty-first
century princesses I am surrounded by every day, I decided to go online. After
all, a growing demographic has a better online persona than the real them,
right? What’s the worst that could happen? I read some reviews and heard all
the horror stories and I felt ready for some stalkers for a change. Off I went
to Google Play to download a dating app.
Less than five minutes later I’m swiping photos in all
compass directions.
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| what I expected |
They say, about online dating, that if you are searching for
love online there must be something wrong with you for failing to find love in
your everyday real life circles. Once I overcame the implied slur in that
reasoning and got down to swiping, the full impact of this stereotype came to
light. Everyone logs on to the site thinking, “Me? I’m perfectly okay, I’m on
here because I’m hip, fun, adventurous and open-minded, but the rest of y’all
out here are some basic no-life losers who can’t get laid.” An attention-whore’s
winning mentality. So they upload their best photos and wait for us to like them
and match them and message them, but the mere fact that I am ONLINE DATING on a
HOOKUP APP translates: I am a desperate no-life pervert. Therefore in her head
she’s already too good for me anyway, match notwithstanding.
 |
| the sad reality |
With time I have taken up a side hobby between swipes:
massive trolling on the site.
Or perhaps I should just go with the flow and upload pretentious
photos?
If you chance upon my handsome mug, swipe right, you ugly hermit.
Till then I’ll keep y’all updated.
