Blue Shoes at the End of the Tunnel

It is a miracle how I got through university.

I was a broke kid in the midst of rich kids.  Constantly felt lost and out of place. Couldn't hang out with the cool crowd. Looked, felt and acted out of place in the few instances I dared to show up at a rave, and didn't know enough to actually avoid caring as much as I pretended not to. It got to me.

Naturally my introversion was amplified in this social wilderness. I mostly hung out alone, sinking deeper into my personal black abyss every day especially after I finally gave up on finding acceptance. No cool clothes, no hot girl, and forget about a car; I worried instead about how Mother could even afford my fees and meals.

Fortunately there was football and swimming. I clung to these sports with more wrath than enthusiasm in a desperate attempt to sublimate the fury of frustrated youth. And the library was big and well stocked with variety. It helped to distract me from all the fun I couldn't afford.

One time an unsought-after crisis befell me. In my eagerness to make friends I lent my only pair of football boots to a teammate who showed up for a match late, hung over and ill equipped. He ran the boots down to shreds in the space of ninety minutes and handed them back to me in the most casual manner, "thanks dude," and dashed off to some other party with his buddies, leaving in my hands a stinking muddy mess of rags and studs. I put a brave face to it, quietly hoping he would make good for the damage, and retired to my humble hostel room to while the ever-present hunger away.

But the days went by and I had no shoes with which to play football. they only had swimming twice a week in those days, and that was grossly insufficient to exorcise my frustrations. So the blackness grew within, with anger and hatred to boot. Depression set in.

But as if in answer to a prayer I needed to make but didn't know I should, Mother traveled to town uninvited and took me shopping to Gikomba. She bought me a second hand pair of blue Adidas F50 boots for 1200 shillings.

12 dollars! Best gift I ever received! Literally saved my life.

Love you Mum.