Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Caps Lock

The title is an attempt at humor.

It attempts to convey that I wear so many caps that I need Caps Lock to lock them in place.

Cue polite bad-joke-laughter from the audience.

This guy got caps lock.
Now to the caps. I'm so many things simultaneously that people who ask me what I do are faced with much confusion and headscratching on my part as I struggle to list them in order of priority. The truth is oftentimes I neglect some of those caps, like the Blogger cap, and then when guilt overwhelms me, like now, this blog gets the occasional lazy copied piece in the name of maintenance. If I was to treat a significant other the same way, I would quickly be single again. True story. Apologies to blog readers, many of whom fell by the wayside and disappeared between the cracks in the pile of hats I claim to be wearing.

I'm one of those people who can't choose without crying for the rejected option, and that choice will be procrastinated as far as possible. Jack of all trades, master of none. They say men can't multitask, they haven't seen me refusing to let some things go so as to better focus on others. For one, I can't stop playing football, my thoughts always wander back to it. This "hand in every pie" complex is also literal: things I have no further use for hardly ever enter the bin. I could open a fully-stocked museum with the clatter that crowds my spaces.

But I speak not thus in jest. A major overhaul is in the pipeline. But first I must stock up on tissues for the bitter tears that will flow during the Purge. And the few hats that will remain (including Blogger) had better adhere to Caps Lock, or else.

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