Truth and Fiction

Philosophy can pass for nerdy talk in the age of Big Bang Theory. Philosophers are naturally a slick lot, using hard words to get away with exceedingly annoying levels of abstraction. They will work your wits into a knot with lofty normative edicts . Experiment: pick up any philosophy book and see if page one tickles your fancy.

If your intellectual mettle can withstand and understand the thick tomes philosophers like to publish, you are an academic trooper! The world brands thinkers like you with scholarly titles and distinctions - and thus gets you out of the way. A firebrand once co-opted into the hands of the powers that be is called 'just a torch now'. Ask one PLO Lumumba. In fact, if knowledge was applied indiscriminately (not exploited primarily for profit), the world would be much nicer. But inconvenient information is hid from view until the status quo lets slip otherwise or dictates the correct angle to view it from. But I digress.

The word Philosophy is Greek for "love of knowledge". In order to test this claim among its purported adherents, I took upon my shoulders the task of summarizing, simplifying and testing some noted philosophers' works. It all crumbled to hot air beneath some indelicate interpretation by yours truly.

The Crux of Darwin's Theory of Evolution (for Dummies):

"Your gramps was a worm.
Your dad an ape, your uncle a gorilla,
You're still not finished evolving
So your kids will be more human than you are
likewise their kids after them
So sit back and relax."

I think not. Where there is no knowledge, there is no love of knowledge. Darwin would have flunked my philosophy test. Zero percent. And a warning memo about his GPA.

On to the next philosopher, one Karl Marx, for this quote he would have gotten a patent for were he not preaching communism: "Religion is the opium of the masses."

Opium is illegal today in most jurisdictions. But if once upon a time someone could identify whole populations high on opium, who dare say that person was not their chief spokesman? Not me. It takes one to know one. Marx knew nothing of true heart religion. Besides, what he really was saying is "I need a bigger nastier high called politics. Politics is the crystal meth of the elites. I'm one of the elites too by the way, comrades. I'm a philosopher dammit!" 

Let him stand in the corner with his negative zero percent grade.

Alright now I'm pushing it.

In sum, there's only one complete true and comprehensive philosophy, in plain and accessible language: the Word of God. Check it out.